no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize