So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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