A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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