True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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