We're facebook friends in real life
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
