I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
