They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
