She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
