i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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