I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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