blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
