oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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