I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Vodka?
Forever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
