I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
