There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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