I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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