I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My vagina just clenched in fear
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