You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
