If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
