his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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