he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
