this beer tastes like vomit already
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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