One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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