He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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