If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
where does the pee come out of this thing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
