we're chasing vodka with high fives
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
