More tranny stories later!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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