She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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