Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
