"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
