I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
