A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
