i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Panties = found
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