I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
