hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As shirtless as possible
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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