Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
