So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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