We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
