He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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