just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
