I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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