I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
