yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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