The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
