where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i've created a new STD.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
