Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
love makes seman taste better
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
