i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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