i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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