Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
