am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize