I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
