absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
