but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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