this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
