there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
