if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
