Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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