Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
