My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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