a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
