Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you inspire me to be a worse person
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
