im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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