its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
