wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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