i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
