Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
