my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
