Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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