is your mom at the bar?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
