and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
