Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
