i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize