last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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