When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize