we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
