i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
