friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
