I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
