I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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